Are you being emotionally abused by a partner? Check out the causes,signs,effects and solution
What Is Emotional Abuse?
“It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and dominate the other person…”
Often the abuser takes offense to perceived verbal slights or minor faults of the partner when the partner has no intent to hurt the abusers’ feelings or do anything “wrong”.
“If you aren’t sure what constitutes this damaging behavior, here are 30 signs of emotional abuse.
1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.
2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.
3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.
5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.
6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.
7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.
8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.
9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.
10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.
11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.
12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.
13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.
14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.
15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.
16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.
17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.
18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.
20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.
21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.
22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.
23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.
24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.
25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.
26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.
27. They withhold sex and love as a way to manipulate and control.
28. They share personal information about you with others.
29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.
30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.
How does an emotionally abusive behaviour start?
When they first start abusing (usually as a small child), they are rewarded in some way.Throw a toddler tantrum and get a sweet to distract you? Bingo! Tantrum = free sweet. Hit someone you’re angry at, and they go away? Bingo! Extra points if they’re crying as they go.
Ah, but there are negative consequences to being physically abusive. So we learn to be emotionally or verbally abusive instead. People bully to gain control, to bolster self-esteem or even social position, for financial gain, or even just for the fun of it. But it all starts from being rewarded for doing mean things.
Can an emotionally abusive partner change?
Your abusive boyfriend will never change his behavior. Despite making false promises to never mistreat you again, it’s only a matter of time before he goes back to his old ways. He’s determined to continue to be controlling and manipulative by telling you things that you want to hear.
Everytime the two of you argue, you’re his emotional punching bag. When things aren’t going his way, you’re his door mat and emotional punching bag.
He’s responsible for his own actions and you shouldn’t tolerate his disrespectful attitude. Anger management isn’t enough for him to understand the damage that’s too severe for repair.
Instead of spending another year with him, it’s best to end the relationship. He will have no one else to blame but himself for losing a good woman who wasn’t obligated to stand by him. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect.
What psychological effects does an abusive relationship cause?
The effect is gradual from negative then after recovery,the effect turns out positive.
These include :
1.She won’t trust anyone easily
2.Your mistakes are not easily forgiven
3.She will have pretty bad mood swings
4.She will be extremely strong
5.She will be patient & Understanding
Read more: 9 things to look for in courtship
How do you leave an abusive relationship?
Firstly, I’d like to congratulate you for arriving at the conclusion that you’re being abused. Usually, victims sugarcoat it, lie to themselves and convince everyone that these issues are natural in a relationship and that every couple faces similar problems. Hence, I’d say 50% of your problem is solved as you know and accept that you’re in an abusive relationship.
Abusers get more and more strong with every opportunity that you buckle down under them. They may use many techniques to achieve it like threatening, emotional blackmail, silent treatment, etc. so that you’re eventually manipulated into consenting to this kind of behavior.
The next step is resolution. You need to have a very strong will to make it happen if you really want him to go away for good. Make sure you don’t budge, no matter what. Weigh out the consequences of what is the worse that can happen if you do decide to take a stand. Take your family or someone close to you in confidence and just freeze him out of your life. Block him from phone calls, messaging apps, Facebook, etc. Change your apartment lock if he has a spare key. Try to always be with someone or in public view unless behind a locked door. Lie low for a while till the dust settles. Remember, if he goes out of line or does something of criminal nature, you can always take the assistance of authorities (police, restriction orders, etc.)
It will take him some time to realize that you’re no longer willing to be the victim of his notority. But after that, he will leave you alone as you no longer cater to his needs.
You don’t deserve to be in a toxic relationship so once you see the 30 signs listed above ,quit…A break up is better than broken marriage.
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